A Date with the Blonde
by phantomzombie
Summary: During a school dance, Kyle and Bebe start a relationship, and both are obsessed with each other. But will their families' different ideologies halt their new-found love?
1. Act 1

**South Park Elementary, night- A banner above the door reads 'Fall Dance Tonight'. Inside the school gym, the students are there. Several of them are dancing; Stan and Wendy are dancing quite intimately (Twirling in perfect unison), as are Token and Nichole (Who are lost in each other's embrace), Clyde and Jenny and Kevin Stoley and Red. The stereo has just finished playing 'Writing's on the Wall' by Sam Smith. It then moves on to the next song: 'St Elmo's fire' by John Parr. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey are chaperoning the dance, watching out for any inappropriate behaviour among the students.**

**Cuts To: The stands, where many of the boys are sitting and chatting among each other; Cartman, Butters, Kenny and Kyle are among them. Cartman and Butters go over to the refreshments table, leaving Kyle and Kenny alone. Kyle has gel in his hair and Kenny isn't wearing his parka.**

Kenny: Look at Stan over there, having a blast with his bitch. **(Sighs)** I wish I had a date.

**Lola, wearing an emerald-green dress, walks over to them.**

Lola: Hey Kenny. **(Kenny perks up as Lola reaches out her hand)** Wanna dance?

Kenny: I'd be delighted to.

**He takes Lola's hand and they go to the gym floor, leaving Kyle alone. He sighs.**

Kyle: Hello Loneliness, my old friend.

**Stan and Wendy are dancing with each other, and they lean in to kiss. As they do, Wendy looks over his shoulder.**

Wendy: Stan?

**Stan still has his eyes closed and his lips puckered, waiting for the kiss. Wendy tries again.**

Wendy: Stan?!

**Stan snaps back to reality.**

Stan: Yeah?

Wendy: Kyle doesn't have a partner.

Stan: Neither does Bebe.

**Stan looks at the other bleachers, where several bachelorettes are seated. Bebe is among them. Just like Kyle, she isn't really having a good time.**

Wendy: Wait here. We may have an opportunity to get them together.

**She kisses Stan on the cheek; a faint blush evident on his face. Wendy walks over to Bebe. Bebe follows her over to Kyle on the other side.**

Wendy: Hey Kyle. **(Kyle looks up)** Bebe would want to dance with you.

Bebe **(Sweetly)**: You wanna, Kyle?

Kyle **(Confused)**: Isn't Clyde still your boyfriend?

Bebe: Oh no. We're through. He only liked me for my looks. And besides, he's with Jenny now.

**She gestures to where Clyde and Jenny are. Kyle follows her gaze.**

Kyle: Uh, OK.

Bebe: Thanks.

**She guides Kyle to the floor as Wendy returns to Stan. It isn't long until they start to dance.**

Bebe: Wow, Kyle. You're such a good dancer.

Kyle: Thanks. I wasn't always this good in the past. Well, I've been taking private dance lessons.

Bebe: I can see that you have.

**He twirls her around and catches her.**

**At the refreshments table, Cartman and Butters are helping themselves to fruit punch, when Cartman sees Kyle and Bebe, dancing with each other.**

Cartman **(His face covered in cupcake frosting)**: So it's true. Jews CAN dance.

Butters: What was that Eric?

Cartman: Nothing.

**Nelly comes up to Butters and asks him to dance with her. Butters gladly accepts. Cartman watches in jealousy, since he's single now. He picks up another cupcake and bites into it. He sees Heidi on the other side and glares at her.**

**Streets: Kyle and Bebe are walking home together. They are holding hands and both are blushing lightly.**

Bebe: I had such a great night tonight with you Kyle.

Kyle: Me too Bebe. It didn't suck for us after all.

Bebe: Haha, yeah.

**They reach Bebe's house. Kyle walks her up to the front door. Bebe begins to walk through the door, but before she enters, Bebe stops and turns to Kyle.**

Bebe: Kyle? Would you like to... **(She takes a deep breath)** have lunch with me tomorrow?

Kyle: Really? Wow. I'd, I'd like that. I'd like that very much.

Bebe: Sweet. Well, see you tomorrow.

**She kisses Kyle on the cheek, then walks through the front door, as Kyle stands there with a smile across his face, rubbing the area her lips touched him before he makes his own way home.**

**South Park Elementary Cafeteria- Day. All the students are eating lunch. At the boys table, Stan notices that Kyle isn't sitting with them, but none of the other boys seem too bothered.**

Stan: Guys, where's Kyle?

Cartman: Why should I care?

**The boys hear chatter from a nearby table. They glance across and see Kyle, sitting with Bebe.**

Kyle **(In the Middle of telling Bebe a story)**: ….And then Mom rang up, and I simply told her that everything was fine. Nothing was fine, because Kenny accidentally lit the kitchen and himself on fire. And all because we were trying to recreate the eruption of Mount Vesuvius which destroyed Pompeii as realistically as we could. Eventually, the fire brigade arrived and dowsed the flames.

Bebe: **(Laughing)** Oh My God that is so funny! In the end, who won?

Kyle: Jimmy and Timmy, with Heidi in second place. While ours was just a total mess of burning paper mache. That's why I'd never enter a science competition again.

Cartman: Well, it's finally happened; the Blonde Slut is dating the Jew.

Kenny: (He's one lucky son-of-a-bitch. When do you think he'll get into her pants?)

Stan: I think it's beautiful. My best friend dating my girlfriend's best friend; that'll mean double dates for them, me and Wendy.

**At the girls table, Wendy and the girls are also watching Bebe and Kyle sitting together.**

Wendy: I don't believe it. Bebe is now with my Boyfriend's best friend; match made in heaven.

Red: I preferred her with Clyde. **(Jenny glares at her) **No offence Jenny.

**A Montage begins showing Kyle and Bebe in a new-found relationship. 'You're my Best Friend' by Queen is playing. Kyle and Bebe are seen at Buca Di Faggoncini, sharing a bowl of spaghetti. They go see a movie; Bebe rests her head on Kyle's shoulder.**

**In class:**

Mrs. Nelson: Alright class, today we'll be doing poetry. You are to write a poem on anything.

**3 minutes later…**

Mrs. Nelson: Okay, if you're finished, we can hear your poems. Let's start with…. Kyle.

Kyle: **(Clears his throat and reads his poem)**

_Bebe, _  
_You are my sun, _  
_You are my light, _  
_In my dreams, _  
_There's just you and I _  
_No matter what the world will throw at us,_  
_I'll still love you_

Mrs. Nelson **(Wiping her eyes with a tissue)**: That was beautiful Kyle.

**At Starks Pond, Kyle and Bebe watch as the sun goes down. Kyle and Bebe look at each other and smile; they close their eyes, lean in close and they have their first proper kiss. They are then shown sunbathing near Bebe's pool in their bathing suits. Bebe slowly puts her hand behind Kyle, feeling his ass.**

Bebe: Kyle. I love you! You're unlike my previous boyfriends; you love me for who I am.

Kyle: I love you too now. I always thought you were a gross slut, but I was wrong; you're so much more. Goodness, have we matured.

**Stevens Residence, Bebe's room, Night. Bebe is writing in her diary about Kyle, when there is a tapping on the window. She goes over to it and looks down. Her face lights up when she realises its Kyle, holding a guitar. He begins to strum:**

**Kyle (Singing):**

_Oh, Bebe._

_You're the light of my life_  
_I wouldn't be this happy without you._

_Oh, You really are Cute and Beautiful, Bebe._

_Smart, radiant, glowing in the night, Bebe._  
_Oh, You're an angel._

**He finishes the song. Bebe blushes and claps. She makes a heart with her fingers, then blows him a kiss. Kyle catches it, then heads home.**

**End of Act 1**


	2. Act 2

**Cuts To: Broflovski Residence, Day. In Kyle's room Bebe and Kyle are seen writing about the Monty Python Comedy Troupe. Mrs. Nelson has the class assigned to write about a famous comedian or comedy group.**

Bebe **(Reading over the internet)**: Wow, Kyle. I didn't realise how popular Monty Python was during the 60s.

Kyle: Of course, they were popular. If it hadn't been for people like John Cleese, or Michael Palin, or Eric Idle and so on, comedy just wouldn't be of pure genius, for example, the Dead Parrot sketch. Says here they disbanded in 1989 following the death of Graham Chapman.

**They continue writing in silence.**

Bebe: Finished!

Kyle: Just how I like to finish; early.

**They put the papers in their bags and sit on the bed, thinking about what to do next. They remain silent for a few moments.**

Bebe **(Breaking the silence)**: So, Kyle. What are some of your talents and secrets?

Kyle: Well. I'm a good bassist/guitarist, as you saw the other night. I'm on the Cows Football Team, by the way. And I'm a member of the superhero group called 'Freedom Pals'; I'm called 'Human Kite', who can shoot lasers and fly.

Bebe: I've heard that Wendy's in it too. How do you become a member?

Kyle: Once a month, we gather at Token's Basement and discuss our franchise. And it's simple to join our franchise; all you have to do is create your own superhero identity, you get a sheet and fill out your strength, weakness, religion, race, sexuality and superpower.

Bebe: And that's it? No problem.

Kyle **(Chuckles lightly)**: No problem at all. Now, what shall we do? We've got time to kill.

Bebe: Let's go downstairs. I hear you've got 'Stan.' Perhaps we can watch something, like a classic sitcom?

Kyle: Yes, let's. My parents won't be home for another 2 hours. We've got all this time to ourselves.

Bebe: I like the sound of that. But can I show you something first?

Kyle: Go ahead.

**Bebe turns towards Kyle, and seductively takes her pants down and spreads her legs.**

Bebe: Look down Kyle.

**Kyle looks down, and what he sees surprises him.**

Kyle **(Under his breath)**: Holy Shit!

Bebe: You like it?

**Kyle only nods, as Bebe pulls her pants back up.**

Bebe: You should see your face right now.

**They get up off the bed and out the door. They go downstairs and Bebe sits on the couch, while Kyle goes to the kitchen to get some snacks. He returns with a box of Snacky S'mores.**

Bebe: I love Snacky S'mores!

Kyle: Now, what are the options?

Bebe **(Scrolling through the list on the screen with the remote)**: Well, there is 'Seinfeld', 'The Nanny', 'Friends', 'Frasier', 'Everybody Loves Raymond' or 'Happy Days'?

Kyle: Perhaps, 'Friends'. It's one of my favourites.

**He opens the Snacky S'mores box.**

Bebe: Mine too.

**Bebe turns on 'Friends' and she and Kyle munch on the Snacky S'mores.**

Bebe: I love the theme song

Kyle: My dad has a crush on Courtney Cox.

**Kyle and Bebe get closer to each other; they touch hands. They look at each other; an urge comes over them. They begin making out; Kyle puts the box of Snacky S'mores on the table and hungrily locks his lips with Bebe's. Bebe lies down on the couch with Kyle on top of her, French-kissing. Ike comes in and sees them. He watches for a bit.**

Ike: I'll leave you two alone.

**Ike goes Back Upstairs. The 'Friends' theme song ends.**

**Later, the Broflovski Family are having dinner; Sheila and Gerald sit on one side of the table, and Kyle and Ike sit on the other side; Kyle is daydreaming. Sheila takes note of this.**

Sheila: Kyle, buppie. You haven't touched your dinner.

Gerald: Your head is in the clouds. It seems you have a girlfriend, yes? **(A Piece of Mashed Potato falls off his fork and onto his plate)**

Kyle **(Daydreaming, while poking his lamb cutlets)**: You're right. I have a girlfriend, and she's got the cutest face I've ever seen.

Sheila **(Buttering a bread roll)**: Oh really Kyle. Who?

Kyle: Bebe Stevens.

**Ike bursts into song**.

Ike **(Clapping his hands)**:

_Kyle and Bebe sitting in a tree,_  
_K-I-S-S-I-N-G_

Sheila **(Dropping her fork)**: Elena's girl? Kyle, Ike. Can you go in the living room please?

**Kyle and Ike get up and go into the living room.**

Gerald: Uh, wasn't Elena the slut who slept with many guys when we were in college?

Sheila: Yes Gerald. And now our biological son is dating her daughter, who I believe is also a slut.

Gerald: We cannot have our son dating a slut! We should go see her parents about this.

Sheila: But we'll be kicked out if we call her daughter a slut.

Gerald: They're Catholics aren't they?

Sheila: Yes.

Gerald: I have a plan.

**Stevens Residence, later that night. Sheila and Gerald's car is parked on the street outside.**

**Stevens Kitchen. Sheila and Gerald are sitting on one side of the table, and Darren and Elena are sitting on the other side. A teapot and a plate of cheesecake situated between them. They're drinking tea.**

Darren: **(Sipping his tea)** Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski. This is an unexpected visit. **(He picks up a slice of cheesecake and takes a bite)**

Sheila: Darren. We found out that your daughter is dating our son.

Elena: Yes, we are well aware of that. Bebe wouldn't shut up about him. It's normal love behaviour. I don't see why that's so distressing.

Gerald: Right. Well, are you aware that Kyle is of the Jewish faith?

Elena: No. We weren't aware of that.

Sheila: Well, since she's of one religion and our son is of another, they can't be together.

Darren: We never knew how serious this was. We'll talk to her tomorrow morning.

**Sheila and Gerald leave.**

**South Park Elementary, Morning. The students are arriving.**

**Hallways: Kyle is putting books into his locker when Bebe turns up, with a miserable expression on her face.**

Kyle **(Cheerful)**: Hey Bebe.

Bebe **(Miserable)**: Hey Kyle./span/p

**Kyle proceeds to kiss her, but she stops him. Kyle is surprised.**

Bebe: Look. The thing is Kyle that, well, I can't date you anymore. You're Jewish and I'm Catholic. It's just not right. So I feel we need to break up. I'm sorry.

Kyle: I don't understand-

Bebe: I'm so sorry Kyle. **(Tears start to form in her eyes)** Goodbye.

**Bebe turns the opposite direction, leaving a heartbroken Kyle at his locker. The bell rings, signalling the start of class.**

**Ext. South Park Elementary- It is raining. And Kyle is sitting by the side of the path, crying into his sleeve. The door opens and Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Butters walk out. Stan is carrying an umbrella.**

Stan: So, you and her are done? **(He holds the umbrella over a heavily- drenched Kyle)**

Kyle: Yes. It's not fair! Bebe was the girl for me. What's the use? My love life's a total fuck up!

Stan: I know how you feel. I remember when Wendy broke up with me, but a miracle got us back together, and now, she and I are closer than ever.

Cartman: I've lost a girlfriend, and now, you have to. I feel sorry for you.

Kenny: (If it cheers you up, we can go to Raisins. Have some chicken wings and get a lap dance from the sexy waitresses)

Kyle: No!

**He leaves, crying again. The other boys watch him with pity**

Butters: Aw, I hate seeing Kyle so sad. And anyone, for that matter.

**End of Act 2**


	3. Act 3

**Broflovski Residence. It is still raining. Kyle walks through the door. Inside, Sheila is ironing and watching a cooking show. 'Wake Me Up When September Ends' by Green Day is playing.**

Sheila: Hey buppie. How was your day?

**Kyle ignores her and goes upstairs. Sheila starts to get concerned. She goes to the kitchen with a folded pile of clothes.**

**Stevens Residence, Bebe's room. Bebe is lying on her bed, while tears trickle down her face. She's looking at a picture of her and Kyle on their date at Starks Pond, her tears land on the picture. Bebe's parents appear at the door.**

Elena: Oh Darren, what have we done?

**Broflovski Residence, Kitchen. The Broflovskis are having dinner, but Kyle is poking at his food, and feeling depressed. Sheila and Gerald see this and a pang of guilt hits them both. Kyle just goes up to his room, leaving his plate full.**

**Kyle's room. Kyle is lying on his bed, looking at the picture of him and Bebe at the Buca De Faggoncini, sharing a bowl of spaghetti between them. Ike appears at the door. Kyle doesn't look at him.**

Ike: Kyle?

Kyle: I don't want to talk to anyone right now Ike. Just leave me alone. **(Curls up more and pulls his hat down over his face)**

Ike: But 'Family Guy' is on. It's the episode where Peter finds out that he's-

Kyle **(Picking up his pillow, poised to throw it at the door)**: I said Leave Me the Fuck Alone!

**Ike leaves, and Kyle buries his face into his pillow.**

Kyle: Ike, I'm sorry, for shouting at you. **(Ike is long gone)**

**A Few Days Later. Sheila and Gerald are talking with Darren and Elena.**

Sheila: Do you think we were too hard on them? Kyle wouldn't talk to anyone.

Elena: And Bebe is depressed; she wouldn't get out of bed. I'm afraid she's gone on a hunger strike.

Gerald: We realize now that nothing is more important than our child's happiness. They were making each other happy, and we ended that.

Darren: The fault is entirely ours; we shouldn't force people to break up just because their religions are different.

Gerald **(Taking a deep breath as if to confess something)**: Look, the truth is, this is mostly our fault; we didn't want our son to date your daughter because of her mother's infamous reputation.

Elena: I know that I was a slut back in college, but times change, and Bebe isn't a slut. You shouldn't judge people based on a family member's reputation. Just because I was a slut, doesn't mean Bebe is also a slut.

**Testaburger Residence, Night. Stan is seen walking to the front door. He knocks. Mark, Wendy's father, answers the door.**

Mark: Oh, Hi Stan **(He turns and calls Wendy)** Wendy! Stan's here!

**Wendy comes down, wearing only her nightgown. Stan blushes.**

Wendy: Hey Stanny. **(They kiss each other on the lips as they greet each other)** Let's go up to my room.

**Stan follows his girlfriend to her room, but remembers to greet Wendy's mother, Deborah, who is sitting on the couch watching 'Wheel of Fortune'. Mark rejoins her, as she bites into a potato chip.**

**Wendy's Room. Stan is sitting on a chair, and Wendy's sitting on her bed. He has a serious expression on his face.**

Wendy: Is there something troubling you Stan?

Stan: I'm worried about Kyle. He's been very upset since Bebe broke up with him. I've been to his house over the past few days, but he never gets out of bed.

Wendy: Bebe has also been upset about having to break up with Kyle just because he's Jewish.

Stan: That's a bunch of bullshit. They look so cute together. Perhaps we can try getting them back together.

Wendy: You think?

Stan: Yeah. They still have feelings for each other, so it's bound to work. It worked the first time, excluding that game.

Wendy: Alright. What do you have in mind?

**Broflovski Residence, Midnight. Stan is shown at the door.**

**Stan slips a piece of paper under the door. A close-up of the note reads: "Meet me at Starks Pond first thing in the morning"**

**Stevens Residence. Wendy is shown doing the same thing. The note also reads: "Meet me at Starks Pond first thing in the morning"**

**Starks Pond, morning. Kyle arrives, as the sun rises.**

Kyle: The note arranged for me to meet him or her here, but who?

**Bebe comes into view. Kyle blinks three times to make sure he's not seeing things.**

Kyle: Bebe?

Bebe: Kyle?

Kyle: I wasn't expecting you to show up. Listen, I want to apologize for what happened three days ago-

Bebe **(Cutting him off)**: No Kyle. I'm the one who should apologize. Listen, I didn't want to break up with you, honest. Also, it doesn't matter if you're Jewish.

Kyle: And it doesn't matter if you're Catholic. All that matters is we love each other.

**In the background, 'Africa' by Toto begins to play.**

Bebe: Exactly.

Kyle: Do you hear that?

Bebe: Hear what?

Kyle: Never mind. I still think you have a cute face.

Bebe: I still think you have a hot ass.

**Smiling and looking into each other's eyes, Kyle and Bebe make up and share a tight, tender embrace, restoring their relationship. From some bushes, Stan and Wendy watch, and smile.**

Stan: See Wendy? I told you it would work.

Wendy: And it did.

**Stan kisses her on the cheek. Meanwhile, Bebe and Kyle are still embracing, but Bebe's hands are working down to his butt. She gropes it.**

Kyle** (In a whisper): **I love you Bebe.

Bebe** (Whispering back): **I love you to, Kyle.

**The scene fades out….**

**Broflovski Residence, the following day.**

**Living Room. Kyle and Ike are sitting on the couch, watching a Wildlife Documentary. The documentary shows a Crocodile hunting a wildebeest. The crocodile clamps its jaws around the Wildebeest's leg.**

Narrator: The jaws of a Nile crocodile close like a steel trap; once they have hold of a victim, they never let go.

**The doorbell rings. Kyle gets up to answer it. He opens the door.**

Kyle: Hi Bebe.

Bebe: Hi sweetie. Wanna come to the funland for the day? Stan and Wendy are going to. So it's a double date.

Kyle: Sure I'll go. Mom! Dad! I'm going to the funland!

Sheila **(From the kitchen)**: OK Kyle! But be back home for dinner!

Kyle: I will Mom! See you later!

Sheila: Have fun!

**Kyle takes his hand in Bebe's hand.**

Kyle: Let's go.

**Kyle exits the house and closes the door. He and Bebe walk to the bus stop to catch a bus to 'South Park Funland'.**

**Inside the house, Ike is watching TV alone. He comments on Kyle's girlfriend.**

Ike: Damn, Bebe is hot! I want to see her boobs!

Gerald: Did you say something Ike?

Ike: Nope. **(Popping the P)**

**He continues watching TV. Gerald looks at a portrait of Kyle on the wall. He sighs and smiles.**

Gerald: My oldest son is becoming a man. It also doesn't matter if she's Jewish of not. If you're happy, I'm happy.

**The End**


	4. Trivia

**Movies**

**Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope- **In Kyle's story to Bebe, he mentions his mom calling and Kyle telling her everything is fine. This is a nod to Han Solo telling an imperial officer that everything is fine to prevent suspicion.

**TV**

Kyle and Bebe watch 'Friends', and Courtney Cox is mentioned.

**The shows Kyle scrolls through are: **Happy Days, Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld, Frasier, and The Nanny.

Ike and Kyle watch 'Planet Earth', before Bebe arrives.

Kyle and Bebe are writing about the Monty Python comedy troupe.

**Music:**

**Sam Smith: **Writing's on the Wall

**John Parr: **St Elmo's Fire

**Green Day: **Wake Me Up When September Ends

**Toto: **Africa


End file.
